Things were getting tougher as the days went by. He was supposed to be brave, but he could only manage to gather the courage needed to really look at the darkness that was coming towards him, slowly, but surely, to grasp him, to take him in, to devour him whole. He couldn’t move, he had neither the strength nor the courage to step away…
I sit down. Under the shade of a big apartment building, I sit down. Thirst for a glass of water was starting to get to me, but I have been thirsty for years now, for my baby boy’s face, my eyes heat up from not seeing his face for three years. I have a photo of him, but all babies look alike, even if they didn’t, who would have cared enough to set my boy apart? I ask people showing them the picture, but they barely seem to care. I am after all a nobody. My wife tried to make me believe that the “fereshta” (angel of death) took him, but I knew that wasn’t possible. My baby is so strong he can fight lions bare handedly.
But my boy has gone somewhere secret now, somewhere even his father is not allowed to know. But what his baby boy failed to understand was he was the only light in his father’s life. Now that he cannot see him face to face, most of his time is spent shutting his eyes closed. That’s the only way I can watch my baby boy these days.
Does my Boyfriend not look a bit like of Mongolian descent? :3
He is an absolute sweetheart btw.
All throughout my depression, he has been SO patient with me! Thank you for trusting me, for having faith in me, for never stopping believing in me.
I am what I am today for my parents, my baby sis and this superhero right here in this photo.
Never let go of me, please…
I lie there.
I just keep myself lying there on my bed and do nothing.
Count your breaths. 1,2,3,4,…
I reach 12. That’s when you are supposed to stop breathing through your mouth and start breathing through your nose. That’ll help calm me down. At least that’s what my shrink says.
but it doesn’t.
All on a sudden, my laptop shouts “Threat has been detected!”
I wish I could shout like that.
When was the last time I actually shouted, screamed?
Threat has been detected people, I could lose control any time now.
Please hear what the software has to say.
“Threat has been detected.”
Its not like I cannot find bits of happiness on the face of winter or the rain ( I actually am genetically wired to like the rain. In our culture, it being an agricultural one, you can easily imagine how important rain is for us)
But Sun! Oh the SUN!!!
The way its rays glorify the earth!
That morning I went into our balcony (without a mug of coffee in my hands, they suit movies better than they suit me) and after it had touched all the objects of upper class of the length (like leaves and tall buildings) it touched me.
Oh, it touched me and my eyes and it went straight into my heart! My heart felt warmer than ever before! I ran and put on the bluest of the dresses I could find in the closet and put that on telling myself, “If there is a day you are going to put this on without any fear, that day is today!”